Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
