he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
