You work out of a Hotel?
Jerry, you need to find god
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
