Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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