is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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