Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
