Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
