Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
