Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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