I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
