There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
