I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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