Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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