You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
time to smoke my breakfast
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
