By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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