Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
