I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
