Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
