So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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