He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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