I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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