Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
