HIV tests are more positive than that guy
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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