Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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