Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
