kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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