Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
