We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
