I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
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