I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
there is puke in my bra ... again
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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