Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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