He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
