don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
