Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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