My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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