Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize