Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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