i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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