Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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