He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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