I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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