Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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