I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
whose parrot is this?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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