the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
