I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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