I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize