There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
