Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
