talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
