pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm passing your future prison.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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