Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
