A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
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You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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