she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize