Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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