dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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