if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
