Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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